Sunday, June 20, 2010

Relationships - To date or not to date that is the question

To date or not to date that is the question. After fifteen years fo marriage and three years of being single I am back to this question. I believe if someone finds the right person the relationship could be great. I understand that it will have its challenging moments, but all in all each party will be thankful that they have found each other. The problem is most people have a fairy tale idea of what their life should be like in a relationship or they are looking for perfection. People are not perfect by no means and we all have our faults. No man or woman will ever be perfect. You also have those people who base the relationship on things that maybe they matter, but they shouldn't be the most imporant part of the relationship.

For me a good relationship has trust. Without trusting each other there is no relationship at all. People we are firends with we trust. Ultimately you need to trust this person more than you do your other friends. You need to trust this person expicitly and need to be able to talk with them about anything. You should know your partner better than anyone. And yes, commuication with your partner is very important. The relationship is a partnership with neither party controlling the other. I think each party needs to put their partner first. No one should be selfish or self centered. There needs to be complete honesty in the relationship with no lies. There needs to be mutual respect for each other opinion, feelings, and health both mental and physical. Both parties need to be faithful to each other. And ladies being paranoid about us finding someone else will just drives us crazy. I used to say I was married not blind. However, blind and not married might have been preferable. I was faithful to the person I was with and my marriage vow. I saw things thing and still see things now. I saw it and that was just it. Real men chose their women for reasons and we chose to be with you for reasons. Both parties need to be caring and show how they feel about each other with out saying it. And no, I am not talking about sex here. What I am talking about goes back to the respect issue. If your partner is tired, sleepy, or not feeling well. For Gods sake let them rest and get well. Be willing to take care of them if need. At that moment put their needs first. I personally don't want to argue a lot and want to be comfortable when I am home. I don't want to have to dread coming home because this other person is there. Good relationships are full of give and take. For me I would love it if the person would go out and train chase with me from time to time just because they enjoy being with me. Mabye it isn't their thing, but because they respect my interests they are just happy being there with me. I know when I was married I did a lot of things because my partner wanted to. I could have cared less about doing them or being there or watching what ever it was that was on TV. Maybe I am just delusional. Hopefully all of this just means I have figured out what I want out of life and a relationship if I ever choose to go for it again.

Now, I haven't mentioned what I think this person would look like. I have no preconceived notion of what they would look like. I think people put too much stock in what someone looks like and to much value on that. I do believe we need to keep ourselves well groomed and look as good as we can. However, I don't have a lot to work with and if a person is looking what they can see and saying he isn't the man for me then they are way to shallow for me. I don't want to know them anyway. For me I am looking for a type of person. Someone who matches up with me on a fundamental level. If we don't match on a fundamental level then I don't believe either of us will be happy. The end result will be stress and conflict and untimately the end of the relationship will come. I also haven't mentioned sex. Maybe I am just getting old, but this doesn't seem to be as important to me as it might have been when I was young. Sex from what I have read was inteneded to be a bond between a man and a woman. Between husband and wife. I base this on what I have seen in my bible studies. If the relationship is what it should be then I believe sex would be great. Now, if the only reason for me to have a woman in my life is sex then I am good with being single the rest of my life.

For now, I have convinced myself that dating is the world's biggest waste of time. I am single and no longer miserable. I was completely miserable married. I under no circumstances want to go back to being miserable. My sisister is currently dating and some of the things she has told me is downright appling. Some of the things I have read and equally apppling. For those out there in the dating world. I wish you the best of luck!
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