Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

This month has been very trying for me and my family. I have had many things I could have blogged about, but just haven't had the heart to sit down and write. I did want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Old man winter finally arrives

Monday we saw the first offical snow fall of the year that stuck to the ground. I personally could have gone all winter with out any snow, but I guess it had to happen sooner or later. At least it "looks a lot more like Christmas".

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Friday, November 27, 2009

The Anchor Room book store

On Tuesday I made my final trip to the Anchor Room Christian bookstore. The owner of the store is battling cancer and the store will be closing soon. It saddens me to see this store go, as it is the only one of its kind that I know of in this area. There are no other Christian bookstores in Fort Wayne. Up until August 3, 2009 I had only made one or two trips to the store, but I had been in there at least four times in the last four months. I did manage to get a couple of photo’s of my kids playing in the pay area of the store during their time they stayed with me this summer.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy 9th Birthday Dakota / Happy Thanksgving all!

I want to wish my son Dakota a happy 9th birtday. Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers!!!

Nine years ago today at 2:35pm in the afternoon my first child was born a son. Boy has he changed and has the time flown!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

God works in wonderful and mysterious ways

I would like to start this post by asking that everyone keep my friend Gary and his wife Kathy in their prayers. They were leaving this morning because Kathy’s mom who has cancer had taken a turn for the worse.

On Saturday Gary had sent me an email to find out how things were going. In that email he had said that he hadn’t seen any email from me in a long time. As I told him I have been down in the dumps for about a month. I haven’t done much of anything except go to work and come home and flop on the couch and watch TV. I do what I have to do to keep things going and that was it. Most of my hobbies I have put aside and I haven’t contacted my friends. I even put off writing my blog post. I usually do about ten posts a month. Yes, I have had topics that I could have blogged about, but I just wasn’t up to it. Things at work are going pretty bad, the situation with my son didn’t help. The other problem is that as most of you know I am trying really hard to change my life and live they way God would have me live. Unfortunately I have had one issue that I just no matter what I have done I can’t seem to shake. So as I put it I feel on my face along the journey and now I am picking my self up and dusting my self off and trying to move forward again. I to some respect wondered if God would turn his back to me because of this old man just plain being weak.

I know we are not supposed to stress over our lives, but it is sometimes hard not to do. It is truly amazing though the ways that God can find to lift our spirits. Today at work the manager came around and asked if I wanted a raffle ticket. The raffle proceeds were to go to a Christmas family. My office does this raffle every year and donates the money raised to a family in need. I said I would buy a ticket, I put my name on the back of the ticket and dropped it in the jar with hundreds of others. I only bought that one ticket and really gave no thought to winning anything. I had not thought about buying a ticked or had I really paid any attention to the prizes that were being offered.

We had our weekly meeting that we normally have and at the end of that meeting they had a drawing for a prize out of the jar. We were down to two items left and I gave not real thought to winning anything and really wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on when my name was called. There was a water globe and a set of bath soap. I really didn’t look at the water globe real close I just saw it was a Christmas water globe and I thought the kids would like it. I took it and went back to my seat to sit down. The manager told me it was musical and that it lighted up. I really hadn’t looked at what it was until that moment. It was a nativity water globe. It wasn’t the fact that I won this in the raffle that made my day, but it was what it was that I received and how I came by it that did. As for my issue that I have I have been praying that God helps me with it and I believe he has. God truly does work in wonderful and mysterious ways.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

There is joy in mudville tonight!

For the last several days I have been scowering the internet looking at Indiana law related to parental rights. I am glad to report that I have "Joint Custody" of my children. Under "Joint Custody" I have as much leagal say in what happens with them as their mother. We must be in agreement on how to proceed in treating their educational, health, and wealfair needs. I hope my joy is a win for my children. Especially for my son. Thank God he pointed me in the right direction!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

What to do with the old memories

After my divorce I was given all the old home movie video cassettes. My thought was I would convert these to DVD which is a fairly simple process. Just plug in the camcorder to the DVD recorder, rewind each tape, put them in order and start filling DVD's. I probably have forty hours of home movies shot between April 18, 1992 and December 16, 2006. When you shoot these video's you figure at some point in your life you will sit down and relive the old memories. See what was happening in your life at that time. It should give you sort of a warm fuzzy feeling. At this point I am not sure who would want these. Do the kids want to see them? I certainly don't want to watch old memories being replayed of me and the kids mom. Does their mom want them or even care? Basically I think I would just be wasting DVD's at this point. They have been in a drawer here at my home for over two years. Nothing has been said about them at all. Maybe I just can rewind, re-label, and reuse? I guess I will, at some point, review each one to see what is on it before reuse.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The injustice of life.

Tonight I sit with a broken heart. I just came back from a counseling session for my son. I have fought to keep him off medication, because I believe in my heart that he doesn't need it. He is a great little boy. When he is with me he is a normal little boy. God knows I have fought for him and his sister too. I was told they are putting him on medications for anxiety and something else. I don't believe that he needs medications at all.

When I met mom mom claimed to be a Christian woman. She was a member of the Later Day Saints church. Before we got divorced she had left the Later Day Saints church and joined a United Brethren church claiming to be a good Christian woman. Now, most have read that I am working on rebuilding my life and getting closer to God. My hope is he will forgive me for all the things I have done at some point. One of the commandments is to "Love thy neighbor as thy self". I think this means to have a general concern for all humans and their spiritual well being. So in that light it breaks my heart to see her destroying her life. I just don't understand why she would want to destroy her children's life too.

After the divorce mom did a complete 180 degree turn and started doing things that she didn't do before. She stopped going to church, started drinking, going to bars, and etc. She was taught better than this at both the churches she attended. I have went to both even though I am Old Regular Baptist. Yes, I would have anxiety too if one of my parents went completely off the deep end. I might have anxiety too if when I got home I didn't know what we might be doing for the evening. Unplanned events are ok sometimes, but all the time is a little much in my opinion. The sad fact here is no one seems to care that this is part of his problems. He remembers how she was and doesn't trust , respect, or admire her. He may quite possibly harbor some anger toward her as well.

Eighteen months ago I asked myself this question "If I were my children would I like my life? How would I look at my dad and what might I think of him?" Eighteen months ago I didn't like the answer. Today, I am a much different person. Today when the kids come to visit things go a lot smoother, but it took a lot of hard work. It didn't happen overnight. I want to be the best example I can be for those kids. As most of you know on August 3, 2009 I gave up cussing. Cussing had almost become part of my everyday language it was so automatic for me. I just think it is sad that mom is taking the easy way out. I believe that a good parent would walk across hot coals for the children. I believe that a good parent would give their life to save their children. I don't think good parents are selfish and self centered. They give to their children and put their children first. In my sons case, he needs full time parenting from his mom and she may have to give up some of her life style. That might be tough. Is she will to do so to keep her son off medication? Trust me this might not be easy, I had to give up things I felt were wrong for the Lord God above. At least one has been a on and off struggle. The tempation is great and constant, but I just pray to the Lord for strength. And a good parent would never stop fighting for their children ever. I will continue to fight, but my hope at this point looks dim.

The bad part of this is I will be required to give him medication that I don't believe in. If I felt it was necessary I would be the first to give it to him, but I truly believe mom could do some things that would help if she wanted to. I hope mom still fears God to some degree. She needs to remember this passage from Mark. Mark 8:36 says: " For what shall it profit a man..., if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" I know I put this on my blog recently, but it was worth repeating.

I usually don't post things like this out here, but is one of my therapeutic tools I use to get stuff off my mind as much as I can. Tonight, before I lay down to sleep, I will again pray for my children. I will again pray that my ex-wife sees the light and changes her ways before it is too late. She was taught the way, and had a bible to read when we were together. I will pray that she loves her son enough to ask herself the same tough questions I asked. Find out if she were the child living with her would she be happy. Especially if she were somewhat of a homebody. I am not saying be home all the time. I am saying find the right mix. I would like to know what she will say to God Almighty on judgment day. What excuse would she like to try to make.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happy 6th Birthday Ashley!

Today is my daughter Ashley's 6th birtyday. I wanted to take a moment to celebrate her birthday here.


Monday, October 12, 2009

To help pour out the rain

Today as I was going through stuff in my house I discovered some things that I had forgot I had. It was like discovering gold. I found a couple of CD's that had music on them. Back when they were made I referred to them as a music mix. One of the ones I found had country music on it. I put the cd's in one by one today and listened to them. I also discovered picture cd's and as I am deciding what I would keep and what I will get rid of I was reviewing each things as I went. Kind of a pain staking process.

One of the songs on the country mix was Buddy Jewell's "Help Pour Out The Rain (Lacey's Song)". I had forgotten how good this song was. I know it has been out for a long time, but I really enjoyed hearing it again. I wanted to share this hear so that others might enjoy it as well. I have also put some old photographs here of my children. I know someone who comes by to see me from time to time who wants the "perfect photograph", but I think sometimes we shoot the photograph just for the priceless memories.

I will echo Buddy Jewell's sentient "Lord I wanna thank you for my children. 'Cause your innocence that fills them often takes me by surprise." . I can't say their innocence takes me by surprise. It more makes me long for those days when I too was innocent and naive. I miss those times. I wish my children didn't have to grow up so fast. I wish they could have had my childhood. It is too bad that it won't be possible for them.

Click the link below and enjoy the video:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Just my luck!

This morning I got up like any other morning. Got ready for work and headed off. I arrived at work and stood around and talked with some of my co-workers like every other morning when I was called aside and told I wasn't on the schedule. I had been on the schedule for all six days when I looked last, but I had been taken off. So I asked if I needed to stay and they said no so I headed home.

On my way home I decided I would stop at Mc Donald's on Washington Center road for some breakfast. I would get it to go and take it home and eat it before resuming the work I am doing at home. I had just pulled out of Mc Donald's when I ran over something in the road. Next there was a wobble that I couldn't explain. I found that the tire had been punctured and air was escaping so I decided I would try to drive it to the service station to get it repaired. No go on that as I went about a block and the tire was flat. Luckily I was still near the Mc Donald's so I walked over and got something to drink and ate my breakfast.

In times past I would have been really angry at this moment and quite possibly swearing and cussing. I have to admit, I wasn't really happy at that moment changing the tire. I was in a church parking lot at the time I changed the tire. Swearing and cussing never really entered my mind. I changed the tire and took off for the service station. I was surprised to find my car has a full sized spare tire. Most of the time you get these little donut tires that you can't use for more than fifty miles an hour or so.

As they were working on my tire I had to think "Just my luck". Then it occurred to me, maybe something really bad was going to happen and this was God's way of taking care of me. Maybe had I made it to the next corner I would have been involved in an accident and killed. Maybe others may have been injured and killed. We don't always know why things like this happen. There is a reason for it.

Yes, it was a new tire. The bad news was they had to replace the tire. The metal object you see had punctured the side of the tire. I had bought the road hazard warranty on the tire so the total cost was $11.07.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Mark 8:36 For what shall it profit a man...

As I wrote this blog post I couldn't really decide on what the title should be. Last Thursday someone I was talking with said something really hurtful to me. Normally I would let this kind of thing eat at me, and possibly be angry about it, but I just told myself that it didn't matter what they thought or anyone else thought about the comment it was a worldly concern and I shouldn't let it bother me. This event happened at work and as much as I tried I couldn't shake it. Thank God my sister invited me to dinner and this seemed to help some, but I just, no matter what I did, could not shake this. It weighed heavy on my mind well into the evening.

I finally decided that I would work on programming some radio equipment that I have that I used for talking Ham Radio and listening to the railroad. I sat down to program the equipment, but the thought came into my mind to read my Bible. I thought, I will read my Bible tomorrow because I want to programming these radios, but I just couldn't get into programming the radios and the thought of reading my Bible didn't go away. So I put down my Radio stuff and picked up the Bible and read for the rest of the evening. I found the help I needed to shake off what happend in the reading material. I think it was Gods way of helping me with it.

Now instead of being angry with the person who said the hurtful thing, I have treated the person the same way I have always treated them. Greeted them with a smile and asked them how they are doing like I always did. I haven't treated them any differently than I did before. My only motivation here is that I don't believe we are supposed to hold a grudge. We are to forgive and forget. I can tell this person is a little uncomfortable, but there is no hard feelings here.

My focus in life at this point in time is with God's help changing my ways to be the person he wants me to be. In the long run God is the only one who's opinion matters. I think things like this will come up from time to time just as obstacles in path. For me, I don't think anything is more important than where my soul will spend eternity. There is nothing I can do, nothing I can have, or no one that is worth spending eternality hell. Mark 8:36 says: " For what shall it profit a man..., if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

All I know is I had the best Saturday I have had in forever. I felt a piece I haven't known since I was a kid. For a short space time I had no worries. I actually felt good no aches and pains. I had the most energy I have had in forever. I have stopped worrying about losing my job, house, car, etc. These things just don't seem important. I am still planning incase I do lose my job, but the worry of losing it is gone. For some reason I felt like I was supposed to share this here and I have done so. For what is happening with me I give God all the credit and glory. Without him, I wouldn't make it through this.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another First

Today as we went into Walmart my daughter asked me again if she could play the crane game to win a prize. Now she asks me this question every time we go into Walmart and I have told her no every time. I said no and we went about our shopping. On the way out of Walmart my son wanted a can of pop. We stopped to get a pop and I asked my daughter what kind she wanted. She said she wanted to play the game. I thought about it for a couple of seconds then gave her a choice, a can of pop, or play the game for a prize. She chose to play for a prize. I gave her fifty cents and one chance to win a prize. Low and behold she won a prize with that fifty cents. Now, she won a stuffed horse and she loves horses. She was absolutely thrilled with this. You would have thought I bought her something really expensive. It is too bad we as adults can't seem to be happy with simple things like this in life. It made her day and mine too just watching her reaction.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My Day out with Ashley

On August 14, 2009 I had my annual day out with my daughter Ashley. Every year I take one personal day and spend it with each of my children. This was my daughters day. I gave each one their choice of what we did. My daughter has chosen the zoo every year and this year was no exception.

We started our day by having breakfast with Grandpa as we did with my son back in July. After this we went home for a while and my daughter took a nap as we met grandpa before he went to work at 6:00am. Around 8:30 she woke up and was ready to go. Now, I had a head cold and needed some medication so we stopped at Walgreens and I bought my medication and we were on our way.

We arrived at the zoo a few minutes before it was to open and Ashley asked if I brought any bread to feed the ducks with. I had not so we went down to the local grocery store and bought a loaf of bread so she could feed the ducks. We went back to the zoo pond which is outside the zoo and fed the ducks before the zoo opened. We then walked around the pond and back to the car about the time the zoo opened.

Now, it was a great day to be at the zoo. The sun was shining and it was in the temperature was in the upper sixties. Even though I felt like crap from my cold and I was sweating like it was in the upper nineties I did my best have a good time with my daughter. Later in the day my daughter asked if she could have her face painted. I first said "no", but then reconsidered. This was something I had never let her do before. She proceeded to look through all the designs in the book and finally decided on a butterfly design. The artist painted her face and we continued our journey through the zoo. Finally around lunch time the temperature warmed up to the point where my daughter indicated she was hot so we went home. Their she continued to play even played with the next door neighbors daughter for a while. All-in-all a great day. Looking forward to doing it again next year.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Johnny Appleseed Festivile

My kids wanted to go to the Johnny Appleseed festivile on Sunday. I tried to get my son to go on Saturday as rain was forcast for Sunday. Fortunately the rain held off and a good time was had by all. Here are some photo's from that event enjoy. At the festivile you can see Musicians, demonstrators, and vendors dress in early 19th century dress, and offer food and beverages which would have been available then. An outdoor drama is also an annual event in Mansfield, Ohio.
The festivile is held in September every year.

For more information about Johnny Appleseed see:

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Small Wonders

As I was walking along today I came across this little thing as I nearly stepped on it. As a slug goes I guess this isn't a little one. But this is one of God's small wonders. I don't remember slugs being quite this big when I was a kid. I am glad I noticed it and was able to hold the camera still enough to take this photo. It is amazing the things we walk through life and miss because we are just too busy to notice them. It had been a very long time since I had seen one of these, quite possibly back in my child hood somewhere. P.S. I haven't been a kid for quite some time.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Neighbors! We all have them. Do you like them? Do you hate them? If you don’t know them then you are lucky! Do you wish they would move? According to the bible we are supposed to love our neighbors as we love our selves, but at times our neighbors make that difficult. I have a couple that I might pay good money to help them move.
Last night I was watching the kids play and I noticed how spectacular the sunset was. I thought I should run in the house and get the camera and take a couple of photographs of it. I took my photographs and had my camera pointed above the neighbor to the West’s house. I saw my neighbor to the South out in his yard so I spoke to him and said high. Walked over to talk for a second and showed him my camera and pictures. I then took my camera back in and put it away.
About two minutes passed and there was a knock on my door. Now, I couldn’t figure out why the kids would be knocking on my door. My neighbor to my West was at the door saying his daughter came in and said I was taking pictures of his house. Does anyone viewing this see a house in those pictures? Maybe the top of the roof line in one or two. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be and that viewfinder is really small. I told him I had not taken pictures of his house that I was taking pictures of the sunset and then went and got the camera to show him. My understanding is that he and the neighbor to the South have a feud going on. They have had trouble before. As I told my neighbor to the West as a rule of thumb I don’t photograph people or their property with out their permission. My photographs will be of trains, animals, my family, or nature. I showed him all the pictures I had on the camera even the ones from the day before. I also told him that I didn’t want to cause any trouble for any one. He said "You don’t want to be involved in any one else drama". I said, "I have enough drama of my own". I am friendly with everyone and try to leave people alone. I won’t say I hate my neighbors, because I don’t believe we are supposed to hate, but I don’t want to be involved in the war. I just wish they would move, but I guess I could get worse neighbors yet. Ah well…. Enjoy the pictures.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

One Year Blogger Anniversary

One year ago today I started the journey of blogging. It has been a lot of fun and as my sister said when I first started "There is something therapeutic about it". I have at times written about issues on my mind and also about some fun stuff as well.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Railroad Crossing Safety

On Saturday I decided I would do a little train watching before I came home from work. I stopped at one of my old favorite places near the crossing at Nutman Avenue and stopped to wait. I hear on my scanner that L90 was coming in from the West from Roanoke. L90 works the GM plant south of Roanoke and makes a run both East and West each day.
I heard him call clear at Hugo which is the rail junction just West of the location were I am at so I thought here it comes. Next I know the lights are flashing and the bell is ring and a car screeches to a halt. They then put the car in reverse, but they don’t pull far enough back so the arm on the gate is coming down on top of their car. They then pull forward into the position shown in the photograph.

First off I wonder if the railroad has detection circuits in those railroad crossing arms that if it hits something it goes back up. If not and they had stayed where they were then there would have been a big dent in the top of the car. Quite possibly a big dent anyway. The second problem I had was the question "AM I SAFE HERE?". The problem I had with where the car was setting was that I wasn’t sure that the locomotive would clear the front end of the car. The car had to be a few inches from the tracks from where it is sitting. With the train traveling in my direction that car could be pushed off the tracks and into or on top of my car. Yes, I was concerned for the other motorist as well. One or both of us could have been killed had that locomotive caught the front end of the car or worse if the thing derails.

Keep in mind here when you are crossing the tracks when the lights first go off and the bell starts to ring before the arm comes down you still have time to cross the tracks. In the case of this motorist it would have been better for everyone involved if they had just kept going. The circuits in these crossings are controlled by the speed of the oncoming train. If the train is going 60 mph then they activate much more quickly and the arm comes down much more quickly. If the train is going 20 mph then just the opposite occurs. In this case the train was doing maybe 35 or 40 mph. I believe this area is rated for about 40 mph.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


As some of you may have read before back on August 3, 2009 started making a major effort to change my life for the better. I want to be a better man and live closer to the way God wants me to live. I want to be a good example to my kids. I have found it amazing the lengths that Satin will go to temp to do things that you shouldn’t do.

Tonight I had the opportunity to have my son come spend some time with me. The problem was I am planning to go to church in the morning and my church is over near Warsaw Indiana. It was insisted that I have him stay overnight and return him tomorrow around 11am. If not then my ex-wife and kids were going home. I even offered to have him come over for just a little while and I would drive him home afterwards. That didn’t work as well. Now, church would not be over until 12:00pm or so and there is no way I can drive back from near Warsaw and have him back in time.

Now, I was raised Southern Baptist (Old Regular Baptist). I have two churches that I go to on a regular basis. One is up near Kendalville Indiana and the other is in Peircton. It is a little different in that it meets at each location only once a month. Google "Old Regular Baptist" if you want more information. So I only go to church twice a month at this point and this would be the second of those times that I go. I have been looking around for other places that I might go for the third and fourth Sunday’s.

At this point I am feeling really tempted by Satin. I love my son very much and it makes me sad that I didn’t get to spend time with him, but my relationship with God has to come first. I am not saying my son tempted me in any way, there were other factors at work here. I can’t go into those at this time, but even though I am sad about not seeing my son I feel I made the right decision. God knows I would spend as much time with him as I could.

At this point in my life I am really feeling good about the way things are going. I am feeling the best I have felt in years. It has been well over a month since I said my last swear word (colorful metaphor as they called them in Star Trek IV the Voyage Home). I have had my struggles, but overall I am doing ok. As I said above it is amazing the lengths that Satin will go to temp you. I heard this said and I agree with this "If it feels right it is ok. If it doesn’t feel right then don’t do it".

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering September 11, 2001

At work today we had a moment of silence to remember those who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. I remember that morning well. Exactly eight years ago today I was at my desk working when I heard a group talking about it. I got up from my desk and asked questions in disbelief. I went to the Internet for news of what was happening and finally a TV was placed at an open location where we could check the news live. One of the people I work with made some remarks before our moment of silence. He said "This was an event that changed our nation forever". How true this is. Again, I would like to take a moment to remember the friends and family of those who lost someone in this attack on your great country. I would also like to remember those who lost their lives.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Additions to the blog roll

Recently I started reveiwing stuff on the net. Other blogs, peoples photo graphs and ect. Looking for ways to update areas of my blog and for ideas. I am adding to my blog roll a blog that I read quite often. That blog is:

Every Life Has a Soundtrack


Other Blogs of Note:

During my search I found the flowing blogs that I would also like to mention. The "Nikon Sniper" I believe has given me another reason to take out my my Cannon Digital Rebel on a regular basis. The other two blogs have sayings or prayers of interest. Feel free to check out their blogs and enjoy! To return to these blogs later you may bookmark then or click on them in my blog roll.


Digital Photography is sorta like sniping with a machine gun. If you get up every day, turn on your camera and put your life on continuous fire, ... sooner or later, you're bound to hit something.

MR. Dickie's Blog
The purpose of Mr. Dickies Blog is to provied a place where I can post quotations
I like and write about things that are on my mind.

Arrow Prayers
Arrow prayers are short prayers that one sends up to heaven at any time and any place.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cool Sunset Photo on Flickr

Originally uploaded by OCSP
I have been checking out other peoples photo's that they have submitted to flickr. I found this really cool sunset photo out there. Enjoy!

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Approximately one year ago I setup my Flickr account. Flicker allows you to upload as many photo’s as you want. I went one step further and signed up for the professional version of Flickr. For $25 for one year I can create as many sets of photos as I want and I can upload my videos. Flickr allows me to decide who can see what. I can decide if the pictures are public and open to anyone, viewable by friends and family, viewable by family only, or private. I use flickr to populate my slide show at the top right of the blog with different public photos that I have taken. The blog picks up the last 25 or 30 pictures that I have uploaded to Flickr that are marked public. If you are looking for a way to share photos and video with friends and family I highly recommend their service. You will first have to sign up for a free Yahoo account ( then you can setup your Flickr account. After this download the upload tool from the Flickr website ( Uploading is fast and easy to do. You can also update your Flickr account on the go from your digital phone. A set of special email addresses are setup with your account so that photos and video can be sent directly from the phone to your Flickr account using the email address with the privacy setting that I want (public, family & friends, family, or private).

Here is a link to the last group of photo’s that I uploaded to Flickr with the public setting. Happy viewing!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Depression/Recession comes home

Tonight I went to a special union meeting to find out what is going on at work. I left feeling really depressed. I found out that I am guaranteed only four hours per paycheck (every two weeks). Tomorrow may quite possibly be my last day of work for one week. Then I may only get two days work then off who knows how long. This will be a way of life for me for the next while. As I still have a job I most likely can’t claim unemployment. I have two kids to support and how can I possibly do this on eight hours a month. I can’t even pay my bills. The bad news for me is I have no savings. I left my marriage (divorce) of fifteen years two years ago with nothing. Not that I took nothing into the marriage, but the savings I had was squandered during the marriage. Assuming I am off next week I will be Ebaying anything I can put my hands on (if I own it and it isn’t nailed down it will go). I will also be working on disposing of items that I don't think I need and don't think I can sell. I will be cleaning up in preperation to move. I am hoping this is not as bad as it looks, but it looks really bad at this point

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Old Habits die-hard

Back on April 3, 2009 I had been to my Aunt’s funeral and thought I should work on changing my life. For a while (about two months) I worked hard on being a better person. That entry for my blog can be viewed here: . Sometimes old habits die-hard so I fell back into doing those things that I knew in my heart were wrong. Now, I haven’t written to my blog much lately. I have been feeling a little down and with the issues surrounding my children I just haven’t felt like posting to my blog. For about two months I did really well at being a better person, then I fell back into my old habits. I guess that too was a little depressing.

On August 3, 2009 I came to a turning point in my life. I am just plan tired of feeling guilty about doing things I know are wrong. I am tired of feeling that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I vowed to do everything in my power to do the right things and not do the things that I knew were wrong. It has been a struggle, but I feel like God knows I am doing my best now and that feeling of being sick in the pit of my stomach is gone. The church I go to believes that you must repent of your sins and begin a-new (be born again). Am I a born again Christian? The answer to that is "NO". I, however; refuse to do the things that I have been doing. It, for me, is a constant struggle on a daily basis and I remind my self-every second of the day of what not to do. Trust me there has been a lot of temptation by Satan.

One of the things I started doing after high school was cussing. Unfortunately, the truth is, at times I could make a sailor blush with shame. There wasn’t any cuss word I wouldn’t say. Today, I am doing really well with this. It had been two and a half weeks since my last occurrence of cussing. The few times it has happened when I am really frustrated and forget my self. Today it happened after I put the kids in the car and closed the doors at the zoo. I was really frustrated and one of the phrases I would say started to come out. I stopped mid-sentence. I know I shouldn’t have said what I did, but I think God knows I am working hard of this. I am hopping eventually this will too be a thing of the past. The other items on my list I think God that I have been able to have not repeated them since August 2, 2009. August 3, 2009 may quite possibly have been a great turning point in my life.

On August 10, 2009 my two kids and I went to the Anchor Room book store. The local Christian book store. Unfortunately these tired old eyes of mine needed a little bigger print than the bible I had would afford me to read. I did purchase a giant print bible to remove the eyestrain from the picture. I have placed my sister’s bible that she gave me on the bookshelf in my room. It is there if some night I want to read and don’t want to go out to the living room for the bible I bought it is there for me to read. I have read the first book of the bible (Genesis) and I am three forths of the way through the second (Exodus). My goal is to read the whole thing.

My son was there and wanted a bible of his own. Now, he is only eight years old and was willing to buy this with his own money. He had thirty dollars and the bible was thirty dollars plus tax. I told him he didn’t have to buy this with his money that I would buy it for him. I bought him the version of the bible my church believes in (King James). I thought he might just look at it and put it aside, but he has actually been reading it. He took it out and started reading it that day.
I know that for me the struggles will get more difficult not to pick up the old habits. I vow not to ever do those things again. And I hope that at some point the issue that I have with cussing when frustrated I am at least able to stop before the words get out of my mouth. One thing I have found interesting is that some of the TV shows I really liked before don’t seem to appeal to me now. My sister loaned me some old TV shows on DVD from the 70’s and 80’s, which seems to agree with me more. I am hoping in this case that old habits don’t die hard they just fade away.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A day out with Dakota

You have heard about "A day out with Thomas", well I had a day out with my son Dakota. On July 23, 2009 I did my annual one-on-one (special time) with my son. Every year I take one personal day and spend it with each of my children. This year we resumed an annual event that he enjoys and looks forward to very much. Last year we didn’t get to go. He wanted to Deshler Ohio the crossroads of the B&O railroad. It is CSX railroad today, but in the old days the Baltimore and Ohio railroad went through these parts. It was a fun time that we both enjoyed. The picture at the top of this blog was taken on that day out. Below are some of the photographs I took on that day so enjoy.