Sunday, August 23, 2009

Old Habits die-hard

Back on April 3, 2009 I had been to my Aunt’s funeral and thought I should work on changing my life. For a while (about two months) I worked hard on being a better person. That entry for my blog can be viewed here: . Sometimes old habits die-hard so I fell back into doing those things that I knew in my heart were wrong. Now, I haven’t written to my blog much lately. I have been feeling a little down and with the issues surrounding my children I just haven’t felt like posting to my blog. For about two months I did really well at being a better person, then I fell back into my old habits. I guess that too was a little depressing.

On August 3, 2009 I came to a turning point in my life. I am just plan tired of feeling guilty about doing things I know are wrong. I am tired of feeling that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I vowed to do everything in my power to do the right things and not do the things that I knew were wrong. It has been a struggle, but I feel like God knows I am doing my best now and that feeling of being sick in the pit of my stomach is gone. The church I go to believes that you must repent of your sins and begin a-new (be born again). Am I a born again Christian? The answer to that is "NO". I, however; refuse to do the things that I have been doing. It, for me, is a constant struggle on a daily basis and I remind my self-every second of the day of what not to do. Trust me there has been a lot of temptation by Satan.

One of the things I started doing after high school was cussing. Unfortunately, the truth is, at times I could make a sailor blush with shame. There wasn’t any cuss word I wouldn’t say. Today, I am doing really well with this. It had been two and a half weeks since my last occurrence of cussing. The few times it has happened when I am really frustrated and forget my self. Today it happened after I put the kids in the car and closed the doors at the zoo. I was really frustrated and one of the phrases I would say started to come out. I stopped mid-sentence. I know I shouldn’t have said what I did, but I think God knows I am working hard of this. I am hopping eventually this will too be a thing of the past. The other items on my list I think God that I have been able to have not repeated them since August 2, 2009. August 3, 2009 may quite possibly have been a great turning point in my life.

On August 10, 2009 my two kids and I went to the Anchor Room book store. The local Christian book store. Unfortunately these tired old eyes of mine needed a little bigger print than the bible I had would afford me to read. I did purchase a giant print bible to remove the eyestrain from the picture. I have placed my sister’s bible that she gave me on the bookshelf in my room. It is there if some night I want to read and don’t want to go out to the living room for the bible I bought it is there for me to read. I have read the first book of the bible (Genesis) and I am three forths of the way through the second (Exodus). My goal is to read the whole thing.

My son was there and wanted a bible of his own. Now, he is only eight years old and was willing to buy this with his own money. He had thirty dollars and the bible was thirty dollars plus tax. I told him he didn’t have to buy this with his money that I would buy it for him. I bought him the version of the bible my church believes in (King James). I thought he might just look at it and put it aside, but he has actually been reading it. He took it out and started reading it that day.
I know that for me the struggles will get more difficult not to pick up the old habits. I vow not to ever do those things again. And I hope that at some point the issue that I have with cussing when frustrated I am at least able to stop before the words get out of my mouth. One thing I have found interesting is that some of the TV shows I really liked before don’t seem to appeal to me now. My sister loaned me some old TV shows on DVD from the 70’s and 80’s, which seems to agree with me more. I am hoping in this case that old habits don’t die hard they just fade away.

1 comment:

ida said...

i got issues with cussing now and then too. i almost fell back into my old ways last night. remember those little pictures do have big ears and eyes and everything. kids just want to be grown. and if us grown folks are reading the paper and the bible then they will too. if us grown folks are living good lives in good clean fun then they will too. this has kept me out of the clubs, and globe trotting. thow globe trotting isnt a bad thing.

now days i do it the cheep stay in america way. lol i take her to different places most people dont go. like a grocery store (the size of kroger) that sells different meats and vegetables. like chicken feet, blue crab, the regualr crab, lamb, lobster, and assorted fish all swimining. yea the crab and lobster are so fresh they could grab ya. then the vegetable isle is like 1/3 of the store. they have things there i dont even know what they are. we go to resturants that are ran and owned by people that propbley came from the country the food has came from. the food is different and cheep.

right now i am in a major diet change for the best. trying to start eating like i did before tasha came around. more meditarrian food. fresh fruits, vegetable, seafood no more then 2 times a week, red meat perhaps once a week, and alot of exercise. and the devil has been tempting me too. like last night. i went in fully prepared to be tugging. i got told to get a fork when i got in. i said well so and so is senior and he is on the tug. we my manager said switch out then. i told so and so to turn in that tug becouse i didnt want it. did i take the sit down tug. no. i went and got the standing up one that is a little higher then the old standing up ones that you have to take a big step to get up and down off of it. (stair step arobicts) and to drive it you have to use the muscles in your upper arms to swing it around. its a full upper body workout. and secertly i love it. so i have vowed to get on the step arobic tug everyday if i can.

give me another day and i will be walking again. i have to recover from vacation and getting back in the swing of things at work.

when you feel tempted just pray. and pray hard. God is there and he really does help.