Friday, April 3, 2009

The things we discover and the shame we bear!

Today, I went to my Aunt Sandy’s funeral. Part of the funeral was a sermon delivered by the minister (preacher we call them). The message was that things you can buy in this lifetime are not important. Part of the message was if you feel like your life is messed up then clean up your act and turn it all over to God. Now, this minister must have been reading my mind, because I was sitting there feeling like I need to get my act together to be a good example to my kids and to be a better father for them. I need to get my kids into church. I was sitting there feeling like my life is a total mess. I have been for sometime feeling like things you can get in this life are not important. Maybe this is just my age showing, or maybe I am just now figuring out what life is about. Now sure at this point if I am figuring it out or not. Some things just don’t seem to be that important to me any more.

I came home today thinking I needed to go out and buy a large print bible. Reading the bible has been one of those things I said I would do someday. Feeling like if I wait to many more days that I might run out someday I thought now might be a good time to start. Now, these tired old eyes can’t see very well anymore, but I knew I had a bible on the counter in the family room. So since cash is not readily available I thought I would open the one I had up to see if I could read the print in it with my glasses on. Now, when you reveal something about your self-my sister calls it "outing yourself". So, I am "outing myself" here in front of God and everyone. I had asked for this bible for Christmas and my sister had bought it for me and given it to me one Christmas Eve. Much to my surprise and dismay it was given to me on December 24, 1990. Yes, almost 19 years ago, and I have opened it only maybe three or four times. This bible is brand new in the box. In most cases having something this old in this good of condition is a good thing. In this case it is shameful. It should show sings of use and wear, not look brand new. Shame on me!

Now, I can’t remember if I read any out of this or not, but there is a bookmark in it with the lion and lamb on it with a verse from Mathew 5:8,9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God". I have read some of the New Testament in a NIV bible a few years back. The bible she gave me is the King James Version, which at times is a little harder to read (it is the version that my church believes in).
I remember seeing my grandmother’s (Lula) bible and she had births, deaths, and her marriage information written in the bible. I had intended to write the information into the appropriate pages of the bible when I got married back in 1992. The page that lists the marriage information is blank. I will most likely leave it that way even though I was married for fifteen years. I will most likely leave the family tree page blank as well. The problem I had with the marriage was, I was married, the other person, I feel, was just playing around. I don’t feel that we had a real marriage. I will most likely write my son’s and daughters birth information on the birth page. Maybe I am just a sentimental old softy, but this seems like one of the lost traditions that need to be honored. For the last little while I feel like I have floundered around not sure of what I want to do with the rest of my life. I think it may be time to let God take the lead and figure out where I should end up. Who knows how things will end up for me. Hopefully, I have another twenty or so years to go. I would like to be around to see what kind of people my children end up to be. Hopefully I can help get them turned around and the will grow up to be good people. Maybe I will even be around to see my grandkids.
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