Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
It was never my intent to divorce. I had hoped I would never have to say “my ex-wife” in a sentence. The problem I had with the marriage was really simple. I didn’t feel important to her. It didn’t matter how bad I felt or how tired I was if she wanted to do something it was more important than my health. It didn’t matter what time I had to get up if she wanted to talk I had to talk until she was done. I could have settled for second to the kids, but I was somewhere at the bottom of the pile of things that was important to her. The things that bothered me I discussed with her many times and she would agree at times to work on things, but it always seemed to remain the same or change for a little bit and go back to the way it was. And the very next time we discussed these things yet again she didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. After not being heard and not having my feelings and health respected for a number years I became angry, irritable, and picked up cussing. At the end of the marriage I would cuss to the point a sailor would blush with shame. It wasn’t like warnings that the marriage was going to end weren’t there either. I had told her many times that if certain things didn’t stop I was leaving. It also amazes me that after fifteen years of being married to me she still doesn’t know me. I continue to surprise her. Today I am working on being a better man than when she met me. I don’t believe in divorce and in Malachi 2:16 it says God Hates divorce. In this instance I believe it was necessary and I hope God forgives me for doing what I felt was necessary. I feel bad for my children, but there is no way on God’s green earth I would take her back ever.
Now, after the divorce has happened, my ex-wife has decided she wants to be a totally different person. Nothing like the person she pretended to be when I married her. She has multiple Tattoos’ and has taken up drinking, and an alternative life style. Forgive me again, but she should know I don’t like Tattoo’s, I don’t drink, and wow is all I will say on the last one. If I had met her with all the Tattoo’s when we first met she wouldn’t have gotten a second look. I would not have dated her with tattoos. I also don’t understand why she can’t see how I might feel lied to and used. Yes, we did a lot of cool things when we were together and we should have a lot of fond memories, but since the whole relationship feels like it was a lie how can I look back on any of it with fond memories. The only fond memories I have is of the birth of my children. If I am way off base on this then please someone call me down on it.
You know I could go find another person to be with (another wife). The rumor has already started that I am gay since I don’t actively date. No offence to anyone, but I am not gay. I just don’t know if I want all the headaches that go with a relationship. There is another whole set of headaches with finding a new person. I would have to go through and remove all the pictures in my digital images that contain my ex-wife. Most people might not feel good about their spouse having pictures of the ex around. As of now life is improving and I don’t know if I want to risk messing it up again. Can I really say "Thanks for the memories"?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
For me a good relationship has trust. Without trusting each other there is no relationship at all. People we are firends with we trust. Ultimately you need to trust this person more than you do your other friends. You need to trust this person expicitly and need to be able to talk with them about anything. You should know your partner better than anyone. And yes, commuication with your partner is very important. The relationship is a partnership with neither party controlling the other. I think each party needs to put their partner first. No one should be selfish or self centered. There needs to be complete honesty in the relationship with no lies. There needs to be mutual respect for each other opinion, feelings, and health both mental and physical. Both parties need to be faithful to each other. And ladies being paranoid about us finding someone else will just drives us crazy. I used to say I was married not blind. However, blind and not married might have been preferable. I was faithful to the person I was with and my marriage vow. I saw things thing and still see things now. I saw it and that was just it. Real men chose their women for reasons and we chose to be with you for reasons. Both parties need to be caring and show how they feel about each other with out saying it. And no, I am not talking about sex here. What I am talking about goes back to the respect issue. If your partner is tired, sleepy, or not feeling well. For Gods sake let them rest and get well. Be willing to take care of them if need. At that moment put their needs first. I personally don't want to argue a lot and want to be comfortable when I am home. I don't want to have to dread coming home because this other person is there. Good relationships are full of give and take. For me I would love it if the person would go out and train chase with me from time to time just because they enjoy being with me. Mabye it isn't their thing, but because they respect my interests they are just happy being there with me. I know when I was married I did a lot of things because my partner wanted to. I could have cared less about doing them or being there or watching what ever it was that was on TV. Maybe I am just delusional. Hopefully all of this just means I have figured out what I want out of life and a relationship if I ever choose to go for it again.
Now, I haven't mentioned what I think this person would look like. I have no preconceived notion of what they would look like. I think people put too much stock in what someone looks like and to much value on that. I do believe we need to keep ourselves well groomed and look as good as we can. However, I don't have a lot to work with and if a person is looking what they can see and saying he isn't the man for me then they are way to shallow for me. I don't want to know them anyway. For me I am looking for a type of person. Someone who matches up with me on a fundamental level. If we don't match on a fundamental level then I don't believe either of us will be happy. The end result will be stress and conflict and untimately the end of the relationship will come. I also haven't mentioned sex. Maybe I am just getting old, but this doesn't seem to be as important to me as it might have been when I was young. Sex from what I have read was inteneded to be a bond between a man and a woman. Between husband and wife. I base this on what I have seen in my bible studies. If the relationship is what it should be then I believe sex would be great. Now, if the only reason for me to have a woman in my life is sex then I am good with being single the rest of my life.
For now, I have convinced myself that dating is the world's biggest waste of time. I am single and no longer miserable. I was completely miserable married. I under no circumstances want to go back to being miserable. My sisister is currently dating and some of the things she has told me is downright appling. Some of the things I have read and equally apppling. For those out there in the dating world. I wish you the best of luck!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Now in the past two years, we have planted flowers from seeds. This year it is too late to plant seeds so today I went out and bought flowers at Wal-Mart. As soon as we got home my son started in on planting them and my daughter was chomping at the bit to help so all I did was stand around and supervise the work. Both my son and daughter did a great job with this and I am sure I will enjoy seeing them as they will remind me all summer of today and how they went about working together to get this done. The only complaint I heard was about how hot it was.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
As some may know I am a Railfan. I go out and enjoy some sun when the weather permits and take pictures and video of trains. I have loved trains since I was a kid. Yesterday I didn't know if I was going out today or not. I just didn't feel like going. I set my alarm just in case. This morning I decided it had been a month since I had left the house to do something fun so it was time to get out of the house before I go sturr crazy. Enough just going to work and coming home.
I headed up to Butler Indiana and much to my amazement Norfolk Southern put on a show like I have never seen. None stop trains from 6:30am to around 11am. More were coming as I had to leave. At 10am I stopped just off highway 6 at County Road 79 East of Butler. Train 24M was heading East. I setup the camcorder on the tripod and started rolling.
I took some pictures as you can here in the video. I have told friends and family that I have been close enough to the tracks to feel the breeze when the train rolls by. In recent months I have taken the stance that I will leave the camcorder roll and move to a safer location. Retrieve the camcorder when the train has passed. What happend in this video is the breeze from Norfolk Southern train 24M which was screeming by my location at around 50 miles an hour blows the tripod over. For one heart sickening moment I though my new camcorder was toaste. I bought my sisters camcorder to replace my old one. Much to my delight it was ok and still rolling. It did get a few minor scuffs, but all in all I was very lucky. Have a look at the video you can see the vibrations of the breeze on the camcorder before it falls.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Here is the thing, I wanted a centralized location to store my files so that if I want to access a spreadsheet from my laptop I could open it up work on it then save it and have it available to my desktop computer. My son also has his laptop here from time to time it might be nice if he wanted to look at photos I have taken if he could do that. I looked into getting a "Network Attached Storage (NAS)" that I could just plug into the router. Basically this networked attached storage is just a hard drive with a network card so that you can attach it to your DSL/Cable/Fios router as another device that all your computers on your home network can see.
My problem was that I have two different versions of windows. I have XP and Vista. The vista machine can see the Xp machine (The laptop), but the laptop could not see the desktop. If I wanted to work on something on the laptop I had to copy it down to the laptop, work on it, then copy it back. Sometimes after work I am just too tired to want to go through all the hoops. I also didn't want to spend any money at this time so what is the solution.
So I did what I always do I search the internet for a free solution to my problem. I had an old HP computer sitting here collecting dust. It had long since stopped working as a desktop computer and I was about to just throw it out. The nice thing is this computer has 260 gigabytes of hard drive space. Not a lot, but enough to get me started. And as you see by the little box sitting next to the computer you can attach USB drives to the system and make them available. The one I own is a 250 gigabyte western digital drive. I stumbled on this operating system call "FREENAS". IE: Free Network Attached Storage.
Now, it took me jumping through some hoops to get this setup. First you have to create a CD from an ISO file which I had never done. The first one didn't work. Second you have to be able to boot from the CD on the intended install computer. Low and behold the primary CD device on this machine had died and the secondary one the software didn't recognize. I had an addtional computer siting around that was way older than this one, but it still had a good CD drive in it so I replaced the CD rom and finally got the software installed. Once installed you can access the machine like a file server and it can be administered from a webgui. For those of you who are mac users it supports apple file formats and itunes. It also allows me to have my own personal website setup on that computer. It will replace the current personal webserver that I had since it was on a older slower machine. Since I have dynamic ip I have to have a service like http://www.dyndns.org/. I am still learning about FreeNas, but at this time I am highly impressed and over the past week has served the purpose I have for it well. The speed of access from that machine is increadable even over my wireless connection. The operating system its self only takes 64 megabytes to run so it is really small. For now I have plenty of harddrive space and if I need more I will buy a USB drive to add to the system. Today I am taking my laptop with me to Mc Donalds for breakfast and will see how the personal website looks via their free wifi. For more information about FreeNas click here. To download a copy click here.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I went on line to http://www.redbox.com/ and signed up online. I then went around the corner Walgreens and proceeded up to the box. I selected a movie to rent, entered the information to verify my identity, and swiped my credit card. The movie was then vended out of the slot in the side of the machine.
When I got home I checked my email and there was an email indicating that my total was $1.07 if I return the movie by 9pm the next night. I had rented this around 12pm on Thursday. I watched my movie and took it back around the corner to return it. I selected that I wanted to return a movie was prompted to put the DVD in with instruction on the dvd how to do it. I placed the DVD in the machine and the screen indicated that it was returned. When I got home checked my email and a confirmation was there indicating that it had been returned. I did get an email for signing up and giving them an email for a free rental which I will use this week. I have also read because I gave them permission to send me text messages via my phone I will get one free rental a week. I will wait and see what happens this week.
All in all this is a very slick idea. Very convenient as I have one less than a mile from my house and worked really well. I will be trying this again this week with my free rental code in hand.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The one thing I added to the idea was a 42" plasma TV that I mounted in the one corner of the room. I finnally on Friday managed to get the TVmounted and all the cables run for the antenna connection. This is my first High Definition TV and I am amazed at the picture clarity on the channels that are broadcasting in HD. Sunday my son and I went shopping for the TV stand were the DVD recorder is sitting and the kids Playstation two is located. The old Playstation stand is now a home for my laptop. I purchased an additional recliner from the kids mom so there are three seats in the room. I am using the old convert box as a tuner for the DVD burner which will allow me to record one show and watch a show. The kids seem really pleased with the idea. My son was more than willing to give me input on how to set it up.
This afternoon I got off work early and finished the work. The work I did today involved moving the stuff in the shevles to the opposite side of where they were. The video's behind the TV and the pictures to the other side. I hope the kids are supprised when they get here on Friday.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The first opportunity for me to use his computer came one night at Mc Donalds. He wanted to take it in and try it out as he had never had it connected to the internet. At that time Mc Donalds charged $2.99 for two hours of access (as of January 15th unlimited access is now free) to the internet. I spring for the $2.99 and in a few minutes we were connected.
While he and his sister played in the play area I tried this smaller and lighter computer out and low and behold I could type on the keyboard and use it just like my D400. My son recently wanted me to connect it up and take it on one of our railfan outings and I was highly impressed by how it performed. After we figured out how to make the screen brighter it worked out great.
The Acer Aspire uses a Atom N270 processor running at 1.6 ghz. My Dell D400 is about 1.4 ghz. The Aspire has 1 gb of memory and 512kb cach memory. It also has a 160 GB hard drive. The whole thing only weights 2.44 pounds. The down is no CD or floppy drive as that must be purchased seperately. His mom managed to get this computer for him for a mear $249 plus tax. I happened to have a spare external CD burner that I let him have to use with this that I bought back in 2002. All in all I am quite impressed with how well this computer operates and how light it is. When I decided to replace my current laptop I may just get one of these plus an external cd burner. I am a Dell man my self and I will be looking to see what they have.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Missing in action. This blogger has been missing in action over the past several months. Too much life at the current time. We had a major issue with my son back in December that saw him in the hospital from December 18th until December 30th. He is now on medication. The good news is he is doing a lot better now and is in his third week with no problems at school. I thank God for whatever it was that changed and for the great improvement that we have seen. I also want to thank all of you that prayed for him.
For the past few months I have been working fifty plus hours a week and what little time I have had left I have been devoting to cleaning up the family room area of my house. I am almost there with the family room. After working for a while each evening on that it seems like all I can do then is colapse on the couch and watch TV. The family room I am cleaning out the stuff that was in there. Selling it or getting rid of it if I don't think I will use it. The idea is that it will be a recreation room for the kids when they are here. Yesterday the kids and I went shopping for a 42" Plasma TV for that room. Today I spent some time mounting the bracket ont he wall on which I will mount the new TV on. All in all life is going pretty good at the moment. I am looking forward to getting back to blogging and working on my website. The website hasn't been updated in a year (YIKES!). I am in the process of redesigning the site to make it much easier to update. It currently takes about four hours to process just a little bit of stuff to the site. I am also looking forward to getting back out track side for some rail fanning.