Thursday, October 22, 2009

What to do with the old memories

After my divorce I was given all the old home movie video cassettes. My thought was I would convert these to DVD which is a fairly simple process. Just plug in the camcorder to the DVD recorder, rewind each tape, put them in order and start filling DVD's. I probably have forty hours of home movies shot between April 18, 1992 and December 16, 2006. When you shoot these video's you figure at some point in your life you will sit down and relive the old memories. See what was happening in your life at that time. It should give you sort of a warm fuzzy feeling. At this point I am not sure who would want these. Do the kids want to see them? I certainly don't want to watch old memories being replayed of me and the kids mom. Does their mom want them or even care? Basically I think I would just be wasting DVD's at this point. They have been in a drawer here at my home for over two years. Nothing has been said about them at all. Maybe I just can rewind, re-label, and reuse? I guess I will, at some point, review each one to see what is on it before reuse.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The injustice of life.

Tonight I sit with a broken heart. I just came back from a counseling session for my son. I have fought to keep him off medication, because I believe in my heart that he doesn't need it. He is a great little boy. When he is with me he is a normal little boy. God knows I have fought for him and his sister too. I was told they are putting him on medications for anxiety and something else. I don't believe that he needs medications at all.

When I met mom mom claimed to be a Christian woman. She was a member of the Later Day Saints church. Before we got divorced she had left the Later Day Saints church and joined a United Brethren church claiming to be a good Christian woman. Now, most have read that I am working on rebuilding my life and getting closer to God. My hope is he will forgive me for all the things I have done at some point. One of the commandments is to "Love thy neighbor as thy self". I think this means to have a general concern for all humans and their spiritual well being. So in that light it breaks my heart to see her destroying her life. I just don't understand why she would want to destroy her children's life too.

After the divorce mom did a complete 180 degree turn and started doing things that she didn't do before. She stopped going to church, started drinking, going to bars, and etc. She was taught better than this at both the churches she attended. I have went to both even though I am Old Regular Baptist. Yes, I would have anxiety too if one of my parents went completely off the deep end. I might have anxiety too if when I got home I didn't know what we might be doing for the evening. Unplanned events are ok sometimes, but all the time is a little much in my opinion. The sad fact here is no one seems to care that this is part of his problems. He remembers how she was and doesn't trust , respect, or admire her. He may quite possibly harbor some anger toward her as well.

Eighteen months ago I asked myself this question "If I were my children would I like my life? How would I look at my dad and what might I think of him?" Eighteen months ago I didn't like the answer. Today, I am a much different person. Today when the kids come to visit things go a lot smoother, but it took a lot of hard work. It didn't happen overnight. I want to be the best example I can be for those kids. As most of you know on August 3, 2009 I gave up cussing. Cussing had almost become part of my everyday language it was so automatic for me. I just think it is sad that mom is taking the easy way out. I believe that a good parent would walk across hot coals for the children. I believe that a good parent would give their life to save their children. I don't think good parents are selfish and self centered. They give to their children and put their children first. In my sons case, he needs full time parenting from his mom and she may have to give up some of her life style. That might be tough. Is she will to do so to keep her son off medication? Trust me this might not be easy, I had to give up things I felt were wrong for the Lord God above. At least one has been a on and off struggle. The tempation is great and constant, but I just pray to the Lord for strength. And a good parent would never stop fighting for their children ever. I will continue to fight, but my hope at this point looks dim.

The bad part of this is I will be required to give him medication that I don't believe in. If I felt it was necessary I would be the first to give it to him, but I truly believe mom could do some things that would help if she wanted to. I hope mom still fears God to some degree. She needs to remember this passage from Mark. Mark 8:36 says: " For what shall it profit a man..., if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" I know I put this on my blog recently, but it was worth repeating.

I usually don't post things like this out here, but is one of my therapeutic tools I use to get stuff off my mind as much as I can. Tonight, before I lay down to sleep, I will again pray for my children. I will again pray that my ex-wife sees the light and changes her ways before it is too late. She was taught the way, and had a bible to read when we were together. I will pray that she loves her son enough to ask herself the same tough questions I asked. Find out if she were the child living with her would she be happy. Especially if she were somewhat of a homebody. I am not saying be home all the time. I am saying find the right mix. I would like to know what she will say to God Almighty on judgment day. What excuse would she like to try to make.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happy 6th Birthday Ashley!

Today is my daughter Ashley's 6th birtyday. I wanted to take a moment to celebrate her birthday here.


Monday, October 12, 2009

To help pour out the rain

Today as I was going through stuff in my house I discovered some things that I had forgot I had. It was like discovering gold. I found a couple of CD's that had music on them. Back when they were made I referred to them as a music mix. One of the ones I found had country music on it. I put the cd's in one by one today and listened to them. I also discovered picture cd's and as I am deciding what I would keep and what I will get rid of I was reviewing each things as I went. Kind of a pain staking process.

One of the songs on the country mix was Buddy Jewell's "Help Pour Out The Rain (Lacey's Song)". I had forgotten how good this song was. I know it has been out for a long time, but I really enjoyed hearing it again. I wanted to share this hear so that others might enjoy it as well. I have also put some old photographs here of my children. I know someone who comes by to see me from time to time who wants the "perfect photograph", but I think sometimes we shoot the photograph just for the priceless memories.

I will echo Buddy Jewell's sentient "Lord I wanna thank you for my children. 'Cause your innocence that fills them often takes me by surprise." . I can't say their innocence takes me by surprise. It more makes me long for those days when I too was innocent and naive. I miss those times. I wish my children didn't have to grow up so fast. I wish they could have had my childhood. It is too bad that it won't be possible for them.

Click the link below and enjoy the video:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Just my luck!

This morning I got up like any other morning. Got ready for work and headed off. I arrived at work and stood around and talked with some of my co-workers like every other morning when I was called aside and told I wasn't on the schedule. I had been on the schedule for all six days when I looked last, but I had been taken off. So I asked if I needed to stay and they said no so I headed home.

On my way home I decided I would stop at Mc Donald's on Washington Center road for some breakfast. I would get it to go and take it home and eat it before resuming the work I am doing at home. I had just pulled out of Mc Donald's when I ran over something in the road. Next there was a wobble that I couldn't explain. I found that the tire had been punctured and air was escaping so I decided I would try to drive it to the service station to get it repaired. No go on that as I went about a block and the tire was flat. Luckily I was still near the Mc Donald's so I walked over and got something to drink and ate my breakfast.

In times past I would have been really angry at this moment and quite possibly swearing and cussing. I have to admit, I wasn't really happy at that moment changing the tire. I was in a church parking lot at the time I changed the tire. Swearing and cussing never really entered my mind. I changed the tire and took off for the service station. I was surprised to find my car has a full sized spare tire. Most of the time you get these little donut tires that you can't use for more than fifty miles an hour or so.

As they were working on my tire I had to think "Just my luck". Then it occurred to me, maybe something really bad was going to happen and this was God's way of taking care of me. Maybe had I made it to the next corner I would have been involved in an accident and killed. Maybe others may have been injured and killed. We don't always know why things like this happen. There is a reason for it.

Yes, it was a new tire. The bad news was they had to replace the tire. The metal object you see had punctured the side of the tire. I had bought the road hazard warranty on the tire so the total cost was $11.07.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Mark 8:36 For what shall it profit a man...

As I wrote this blog post I couldn't really decide on what the title should be. Last Thursday someone I was talking with said something really hurtful to me. Normally I would let this kind of thing eat at me, and possibly be angry about it, but I just told myself that it didn't matter what they thought or anyone else thought about the comment it was a worldly concern and I shouldn't let it bother me. This event happened at work and as much as I tried I couldn't shake it. Thank God my sister invited me to dinner and this seemed to help some, but I just, no matter what I did, could not shake this. It weighed heavy on my mind well into the evening.

I finally decided that I would work on programming some radio equipment that I have that I used for talking Ham Radio and listening to the railroad. I sat down to program the equipment, but the thought came into my mind to read my Bible. I thought, I will read my Bible tomorrow because I want to programming these radios, but I just couldn't get into programming the radios and the thought of reading my Bible didn't go away. So I put down my Radio stuff and picked up the Bible and read for the rest of the evening. I found the help I needed to shake off what happend in the reading material. I think it was Gods way of helping me with it.

Now instead of being angry with the person who said the hurtful thing, I have treated the person the same way I have always treated them. Greeted them with a smile and asked them how they are doing like I always did. I haven't treated them any differently than I did before. My only motivation here is that I don't believe we are supposed to hold a grudge. We are to forgive and forget. I can tell this person is a little uncomfortable, but there is no hard feelings here.

My focus in life at this point in time is with God's help changing my ways to be the person he wants me to be. In the long run God is the only one who's opinion matters. I think things like this will come up from time to time just as obstacles in path. For me, I don't think anything is more important than where my soul will spend eternity. There is nothing I can do, nothing I can have, or no one that is worth spending eternality hell. Mark 8:36 says: " For what shall it profit a man..., if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

All I know is I had the best Saturday I have had in forever. I felt a piece I haven't known since I was a kid. For a short space time I had no worries. I actually felt good no aches and pains. I had the most energy I have had in forever. I have stopped worrying about losing my job, house, car, etc. These things just don't seem important. I am still planning incase I do lose my job, but the worry of losing it is gone. For some reason I felt like I was supposed to share this here and I have done so. For what is happening with me I give God all the credit and glory. Without him, I wouldn't make it through this.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another First

Today as we went into Walmart my daughter asked me again if she could play the crane game to win a prize. Now she asks me this question every time we go into Walmart and I have told her no every time. I said no and we went about our shopping. On the way out of Walmart my son wanted a can of pop. We stopped to get a pop and I asked my daughter what kind she wanted. She said she wanted to play the game. I thought about it for a couple of seconds then gave her a choice, a can of pop, or play the game for a prize. She chose to play for a prize. I gave her fifty cents and one chance to win a prize. Low and behold she won a prize with that fifty cents. Now, she won a stuffed horse and she loves horses. She was absolutely thrilled with this. You would have thought I bought her something really expensive. It is too bad we as adults can't seem to be happy with simple things like this in life. It made her day and mine too just watching her reaction.